So, I've been fighting with God about this all week....I felt like I should have posted this on Sunday, but selfishly, kept finding a reason not to. Sunday morning, I attempted to sing "Unredeemed" in church. I say attempted, because I could never do the song justice...I sang it because I just had to. Several months ago, my friend casually mentioned the song and told me I should sing it. I downloaded it from itunes, and didn't even listen to it for some reason. A few weeks later I found out that we had lost our baby. Oh how my heart hurt. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sleep. I just hurt. I couldn't understand any of it. I refused to turn the radio on in my car, every song made me ache inside, when normally they would make me happy....this went on for several weeks. I would pray and pray for an answer as to why, or for some peace, or just something...anything...and then one night, I made myself listen to this song. I am so thankful that the Lord ministers to me through music. I still don't know why Ben and I have had to go through something like miscarriage, but this song has helped me to get through so many emotions and heartache. I know that my God knows best. I know that I may not ever have the words to say to him to express my hurt and confusion...but He is our redeemer. Just like the song says, it may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored, but when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord, it will NOT be, unredeemed. If this is something I had to go through to draw me nearer to Him or even to draw someone else closer to Him..."ok, Lord". I know this is a rambling of words, and maybe no one is reading them, but I needed to put it out there. I am healing, and I am hopeful that our God has a bigger and greater plan for my family than I could ever imagine. We never know the miracle the Father has in store....
